I know You stay true
When my world is false

Everything around’s breaking down
To chaos

I always see You
When my sight is lost

Everything around’s breaking down
To chaos


Past, present and…..future?

Sometimes it all feels like everything is a tangle, a web of confusion and misdirection as you are acutely aware of your own fragility of belief. Self doubt seems to outnumber that which is faithful and true, and you hold on with the remnants of obedience and energy.

I heard someone say today that sometimes we can never forget we have a past yet we can’t imagine we have a future”.

I think there are those that would have us believe that the spiritual battle is about the future that God has for us, and I believe that is true. I think it is only part of it though, as I am often aware a battle rages over the things of our past. I think it is also about “what you’ve done with what you did” . The enemy would try and bind us with the past to prevent us walking into what God has for us in the future.

I feel that all the events of my past are circling overhead like vultures, waiting, watching, wanting to feast on the carcass of my faith if I give up.

Prayer isn’t coming easily at the moment, nor does Scripture.

Music is my outlet. And right now its God’s way of reaching me on the front line, as it appears all other lines of communication have been cut….

Isaiah 30:15

“This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it”.

I was reflecting on this verse earlier today and was thinking of the elements in it.

My salvation comes through repentance and rest. Repentance has been a frequent occurrence in the last few months but sadly, my rest hasn’t been. Definately need to honour God more with resting….

My strength comes through quietness and trust. Hmm, quietness I have had lots of recently but I don’t seem to be hearing from God when I give Him the time.


Do I trust Him? My brain gives mental ascent to that idea but my heart seems to say something entirely different.

Do I trust myself to trust Him is the question…..

Why do Christians shoot their wounded?

A question I have been asking myself a lot recently. I have reading a book with the same title by Dwight Carlson. It deals with how Christians deal with those with emotional difficulties and how often, we only make the situations worse.

This is often by either denying the reality of their problems (by saying it is all down to unconfessed sin), or by giving them “pat answers” or Scripture out of context. Its a very challenging and provocative book as it shows however though the Church should be a place of safety and healing, it can also be a place where it can do immense damage.

The whole issue of healing is a complex one of course, and I speak from a position of having gone through huge amounts of it since I became a Christian nearly 14 years ago. The last 12 months especially have been very hard but God has done immense healing. Often though, I have realized that at times when I found things hard, the reality of the people around you shows itself. There have been some very loving and well meaning people who have “encouraged” me with verses (which isn’t a bad thing of course!), but they have been out of context or unhelpful as I either needed someone to just listen, or just say “actually, I don’t understand a thing of what you are going through, but I am here for you anyway”.

Which takes me back to the point that Dwight Carlson makes; which is even as Christians, there is a time and a place to apply Scripture and work through things “spiritually” and there is a time and place to spend time with someone, listen to them or just help practically when the need arises. Whether we want to admit it or not, the most valid truth in the Scriptures can be misused and become a pat answer. James 2:14-20 reminds us how inadequate it is to give someone biblical words when a person needs food and clothing.

Healing comes in seasons too and I am definitely in the midst of one, and have been for a while if truth be told. Sometimes I want it to just stop, and I want to curl up and avoid having to deal with it all. Ignorance is of course bliss but it isn’t reality. Reality bites and reality hurts.

Ignoring what God puts His finger on (so to speak) would make for a quieter life, and maybe a bit simpler; certainly less effort and less living as God wants me to be – which is free. None of us will ever be perfect this side of eternity so part of me thinks “why bother?”

Why bother being obedient to what God wants to do? Why continue to pray and offer up the areas of my life that I know need to be broken and restored? I could just sit here in denial and lead a mundane life…..

Me? I would rather “go down swinging” as they say in baseball. Life with God and all the things that are hard about living a life of faith, are far more desirable than a life lived in denial and no relationship with God.

Because that is no life at all really….