Some of you who are my friends know about issues that I have been working through, and God has been healing in me, over the last few years. Some of you know nothing of these things. I maybe give the impression that I am confident and secure in my identity in Christ and latterly that has been very much the case. However, this has come on the back of a long period of struggle; many years in fact.
Over the last few years, I have had regular prayer in several areas of my life to do with my upbringing and family breakdown, how this caused some severe self esteem issues and ultimately caused depression, which I have had for as long as I can remember. Apologies if the latter comes as a shock to some of you. Naturally, its not something you just casually drop into a conversation!
Over the last few years I have been to various healing conferences which have either been a day or over a weekend but last week I went on a week long one called the Healing Prayer School. It was at a retreat in the Hertfordshire countryside. It was a week that I have felt God has wanted me to go on for a long time and this year I was able to go.
The week covered a whole variety of topics, some of which I didn’t need prayer for, while others I certainly did! Some of the things covered during the week were: hope, addiction, introspection and true imagination, God’s will and healing of the will, Father love, generational sin, healing from abuse, family structure, confession and forgiveness, misogyny and God’s goodness to us as children of freedom. Certainly some tough things.
I went to the week acutely aware of some of these things still impacting my life, holding me back from receiving God’s best and preventing me from fully becoming God’s son. I was apprehensive that I might be a bit of wreck by the end of the week, but God was gentle, merciful and kind in His healing. The Wednesday during the week was very hard as I had to face up to several areas of unforgiveness towards people who had hurt me in the past. I saw very clearly from God that day that “time doesn’t heal, forgiveness heals”. Realizing this was a huge breakthrough for me in a lot of ways.
I am also aware that a lot of it I won’t be able to see or articulate presently as it isn’t the time. I trust that God will begin to let me see the fruits of His healing in due course.
I know that the road ahead of me is still full of healing but I can look at the road behind me, and see it is slightly longer after last week.
“My grace is enough, its all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness”
( 2 Corinthians 12:9 The Message)