In case you were wondering….?

The “curveball” I referred to in an earlier blog is a lovely girl called Poe who lives in London. She makes me laugh heaps and I am surprised by how much God has blessed me by bringing her into my life.

Although I think she needs her head read for going out with me!

Life is full of surprises and this is one of the best ones I have ever had.

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A long journey…

Some of you who are my friends know about issues that I have been working through, and God has been healing in me, over the last few years. Some of you know nothing of these things. I maybe give the impression that I am confident and secure in my identity in Christ and latterly that has been very much the case. However, this has come on the back of a long period of struggle; many years in fact.

Over the last few years, I have had regular prayer in several areas of my life to do with my upbringing and family breakdown, how this caused some severe self esteem issues and ultimately caused depression, which I have had for as long as I can remember. Apologies if the latter comes as a shock to some of you. Naturally, its not something you just casually drop into a conversation!

Over the last few years I have been to various healing conferences which have either been a day or over a weekend but last week I went on a week long one called the Healing Prayer School. It was at a retreat in the Hertfordshire countryside. It was a week that I have felt God has wanted me to go on for a long time and this year I was able to go.

The week covered a whole variety of topics, some of which I didn’t need prayer for, while others I certainly did! Some of the things covered during the week were: hope, addiction, introspection and true imagination, God’s will and healing of the will, Father love, generational sin, healing from abuse, family structure, confession and forgiveness, misogyny and God’s goodness to us as children of freedom. Certainly some tough things.

I went to the week acutely aware of some of these things still impacting my life, holding me back from receiving God’s best and preventing me from fully becoming God’s son. I was apprehensive that I might be a bit of wreck by the end of the week, but God was gentle, merciful and kind in His healing. The Wednesday during the week was very hard as I had to face up to several areas of unforgiveness towards people who had hurt me in the past. I saw very clearly from God that day that “time doesn’t heal, forgiveness heals”. Realizing this was a huge breakthrough for me in a lot of ways.

I am also aware that a lot of it I won’t be able to see or articulate presently as it isn’t the time. I trust that God will begin to let me see the fruits of His healing in due course.

I know that the road ahead of me is still full of healing but I can look at the road behind me, and see it is slightly longer after last week.

“My grace is enough, its all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness”
( 2 Corinthians 12:9 The Message)

New Wine

Firstly some thanks:

Mark (IML): Thanks for reminding me I haven’t blogged in ages and giving me the kick I needed to get back to it! Howzit bro?

Heidi and Mark: Thanks for the hilarious car journey down…..I will ignore the sandwich spitting!

Last night I whizzed down to New Wine in Shepton Mallet. It was so good to be a part of such a large gathering of Christians. I had forgotten how encouraging it is and how much it can lift you.

The worship was excellent as was the guy speaking ( a guy from Uganda called John). He talked about pressing into God in intercession and having the hope and expectation in prayer that God asks of us. Sometimes as we take old of God’s throne in intercession, we have to realize that God sometimes puts some conditions on answering our prayers( ie that we have to recognize it comes in His way and His timing and it may require obedience and /or confession in a certain area.)

We were challenged about having a petulant childlike response, as we often have when we feel our prayers for so long have been unanswered. God would ask us about what we have changed or repented of in order for the prayer to be released. But as we acknowledge our need to pray more in line with His will and the Spirit, we have hope in what God will do. Funnily enough, the theme of New Wine this year is hope!

That aside, it was also a blessing to see many old friends I haven’t seen in ages and to hear what God has been doing in their lives. Very encouraging! And there I was thinking I wouldn’t see that many people there that I knew….aahh the Christian world..six degrees of separation.

Curveball!

To use a baseball term, I think that God has thrown me a bit of a curveball recently. I don’t think its appropriate for me to say in what way, as God is still doing stuff in the situation. Having said that, its quite clear that God is teaching me the following: trust, patience, courage and praying more in accordance with His will, as the Holy Spirit prompts me.

I can only say that what I am being shown in the present situation not only scares me but excites me in equal measure. It is showing me aspects of God that I have seen before, but just not in the way that He is showing me now. I find it massively encouraging and challenging at the same time; but I guess that this is often the way that God wants to help us grow, develop our character and become more like His son Jesus.

So at the moment, every day seems like I am seeing Him for the first time again and remembering what it is like to walk in the light of that.

Apologies for the above if it is indecipherable; once I get a better idea of what God is doing with my life right now, I might be able to express it better. But until then God is good, even when He is being mysterious!

Keep the faith kids!